


The Strain of Secrecy

by FlannelGuy51



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: (Okay leorio is a med student but still), Binding for too long, Coming Out, Doctor Leorio Paladiknight, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Kurapika is a Self-Destructive Mess, Pre-Relationship, Trans Character, Trans Kurapika, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27933208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlannelGuy51/pseuds/FlannelGuy51
Summary: The Hunter Exam is stressful for many reasons, but for Kurapika, there’s even more pressure than usual (both figuratively and literally).OR: Kurapika binds for way too long and this causes Problems, but he’s not out to anyone yet. What will happen?
Relationships: Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 10
Kudos: 74





	The Strain of Secrecy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [vikkurta](https://archiveofourown.org/users/vikkurta/gifts).



> This is my first venture into writing HxH fic! What better to begin with than some Trans Kurapika with Leopika overtones? Takes place in episode 7, Showdown x on x the Airship.

Gon and Killua ran off ahead, not even remotely worn out from the previous phases of the Hunter Exam. Kurapika and Leorio were left in the welcoming area of the blimp alone, save for a few stragglers still unsure of where to go or what to do while they waited to land.

“They’ve got so much energy!” Leorio exclaimed, watching the two younger boys run down a hall of the blimp to who knew where. “Not me, though. All I wanna do now is crash.”   
  
Kurapika watched the prospective doctor with interest. He wasn’t at all who he’d seemed to be at first, a man motivated solely by money. Kurapika had known that from the moment Leorio had helped him save that man on their boat to the Exam. He’d met dozens of men motivated by a desire for wealth; Leorio was like none of them. And now he knew that the man wanted to treat sick, impoverished children. A man who had at first appeared to be so simple was proving more of an enigma to Kurapika each day, and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he was excited to get to know Leorio better.

Still, he wasn’t sure if he could trust him. That distrust was what drove Kurapika to ignore the throbbing in his chest and nod. “As do I.” They started to walk, and Kurapika tried to stop himself from wincing.  _ Talk through it, don’t let it stop you now.  _ “However, there is one thing that still concerns me.”

“Oh?” Leorio asked, meeting his eyes. “What’s up?”

“How many more phases are there in the Exam?”

“Huh. Yeah,” Leorio said, putting his hands in his pockets. “They haven’t said, have they?”

It was at this point that Tonpa approached them, blabbering on and on about his past experiences with the Hunter Exam. Kurapika wanted nothing more than to get out of there. He’d just about passed out after running those 60 km, his binder squeezing relentlessly around his ribs. He needed to get it off, and fast, before the pain became so great that he couldn’t hide it anymore.

Luckily, Leorio did most of the talking, and Kurapika could just nod along to whatever Tonpa was saying. At last, the short man shut his mouth and let them leave. Kurapika couldn’t have been more relieved.

“Where do you think the sleeping areas are around here?” Leorio asked, looking at each of the rooms as they passed.

“I think Beans said that we have to make a left up here, and then enter the second door on the right,” Kurapika answered and pointed to indicate where he was talking about. This proved to be a mistake, though, and he groaned quietly in pain. Kurapika pulled his arm back quickly, his ribs giving an extra throb at the strain caused by his efforts.

“Kurapika?” Leorio questioned, stopping in his tracks. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Kurapika replied, forcing a small smile. “Just tired.”

Leorio gave him a searching look. Kurapika bristled but met his eyes, refusing to be the one to look away first. Why did Leorio care so much? Even as he tried to hide it, he already seemed incredibly attached to all of his new friends. The colder side of Kurapika wanted to slap him for it; how could he be so stupid? But then again, the softer side of him recognized his anger as a force of habit. He’d been alone for so long with the singular goal of tracking down the Phantom Troupe and finding the lost eyes of his clan that he’d nearly forgotten what it was like to have a friend, a partner. Maybe Leorio could be that.

At last, Leorio looked away and shrugged. “If you say so.”

Kurapika smiled again, truly this time. “Let’s keep going.”

Moments later, they arrived in the sleeping quarters. No one else was there, likely having listened to Tonpa’s warnings. Leorio shut the door behind them, yawning and stretching his long arms above his head. Kurapika tried not to notice the way the man’s shirt hiked up a bit, revealing the top of his v-line and the bottom edges of his toned abs. He forced himself to look straight ahead.

“You want to bed on the left or the one on the right?” Leorio asked, taking off his glasses and setting them on the bedside table between the two beds in question.

“Left, thank you,” Kurapika said.

Leorio nodded and pushed his shoes off, then collapsed on his own bed. “Goodnight, Kurapika.” And just like that, he was out. The Kurta was shocked at how fast the other man had fallen asleep. Kurapika himself was up for hours most nights before he could drift off, images of dead friends permeating his brain into the early hours of the morning. There was no time to think about that now, though—he needed to get his binder off.

Kurapika turned off the light in the room and looked for a sign that Leorio was still awake. There weren't any. Slowly, the blonde made his way over to the bed that was meant for him. He sighed. This was always the worst part of any day. Trying to remain calm, Kurapika gently lifted his poncho up and over his head. That alone was incredibly painful. He was not looking forward to the rest of this ordeal. After setting the poncho on the bed, he pulled his undershirt off, leaving him in just his binder. Without thinking, Kurapika looked down. A wave of dysphoria rushed through him upon seeing the bump on his chest. He hadn’t looked at it in days, and the cruel reminder of its existence made tears spring to his eyes.

“Fuck,” he whispered, quickly wiping them away.  _ I just need to get this done. _ But his ribs were intent on making that impossible.

The second Kurapika put weight behind pushing his binder off, he moaned loudly in pain. He slapped a hand over his mouth, freezing.

“Kurapika?” Leorio mumbled, shifting slightly in bed. “What time is it?”

“Go back to sleep, Leorio,” Kurapika said roughly, still too scared to move. 

“Was that you that cried out just now?” Kurapika could hear Leorio fumbling for his glasses and reached for his undershirt. Leorio couldn’t know that he was trans. It was too soon, too dangerous. In the years since the massacre of his clan, Kurapika had come out to no one. Even some of his Kurta friends had hated him for this, and there was no reason for Leorio not to hate him, too. He was abnormal, disgusting, and his new life as a Hunter was a chance for him to leave all that behind. If no one knew that he was trans, then maybe he could make some real friends.

As Kurapika reached for his undershirt, he let out another moan.

“Kurapika, what’s wrong?”

“I said, go back to bed, Leorio!”

But it was all too late now. Leorio’s footsteps were fast approaching, and even in semi-darkness, there was no way the man could miss what Kurapika was wearing, what he was.

“Please…” Kurapika whispered, trying to ignore the tears threatening to fall down his face. “Just leave me alone.”

Leorio finally stopped. He was right next to Kurapika, probably staring right at his chest.

_ He thinks you’re disgusting,  _ Kurapika thought to himself.  _ A monster and a disgrace. Any moment, he’s going to leave and tell everyone just what you are. Gon and Killua will hate you, too, and maybe they’ll even bar you from the exam for lying, and— _

“How long have you been wearing this?”

Kurapika blinked for a moment before risking a glance at Leorio. The doctor seemed focused, sadness etched into his features. “What?”

“How long have you been wearing this?” Leorio asked again, meeting Kurapika’s eyes.

He couldn’t hide his shock. “Don’t you care that I’m—”

“Kurapika, how long have you been wearing your binder?” The blonde still couldn’t bring himself to speak. “Answer me!”

“Since before we got on the boat,” the Kurta mumbled.

“ _ What?! _ ” Leorio shouted, stepping in front of Kurapika now and gripping his shoulders. “That was THREE DAYS AGO!”   
  
“I didn’t have time to change out of it, okay?!” Kurapika shouted back. “What do you care, anyway?”

“Binders are supposed to be worn for eight hours, twelve at the  _ maximum! _ ” Leorio fumed, releasing Kurapika’s shoulders and running a hand through his hair. “You need to take that off  _ now. _ ”

“I was trying to until you woke up,” Kurapika pouted.

“Yeah, because you couldn’t even  _ move  _ without hurting yourself. Dumbass…” Leorio rubbed a hand over his face and then looked at the Kurta guiltily. “Sorry, I shouldn’t yell at you. I just...you  _ can’t  _ bind for that long.”

Kurapika hesitated. “Could you turn around? I don’t want to...to take it off…”

Leorio nodded and turned instantly. “I’m shutting my eyes, too.”

A few tears fell from Kurapika’s eyes, but not out of sadness. These were tears of overwhelming joy and relief. “...Thank you, Leorio.”

“Of course.”

It took a couple more tries and a lot more pain for Kurapika to successfully pull his binder off. He put his undershirt back on and sighed, trying to ignore the nausea he felt with every jiggle of his chest.

“You done?” Leorio inquired.

Kurapika affirmed this and Leorio turned back around.

“Alright,” Leorio sighed, adjusting his glasses. “Lay down on the bed so I can make sure you’re not injured.”

Color rushed to Kurapika’s cheeks. “What?”

“I need to see if your chest is bruised, if I need to get you an ice pack or anything.”

“You are  _ not  _ looking at my chest,” Kurapika said, backing defensively away from the other man.

“I’m not going to look at your chest,” Leorio said calmly, taking a step towards Kurapika for every one the Kurta took back. “I just need to look at your ribs.”   
  
“Get the hell away from me!”

“Kurapika, please. If you  _ are  _ injured and don’t let me do anything about it, you’re not going to be able to complete the Exam. That will set you back a whole year. Plus, if somehow you’ve done permanent damage to your ribs and don’t get it checked out immediately, you could endanger yourself and your chances of ever getting top surgery. If that’s what you want, of course. Either way, you could be risking your health.” Leorio paused for a moment to mumble, “Not that you care about that anyway.”

Kurapika ran through the facts in his head. Letting Leorio see his chest would be incredibly unpleasant, but even more unpleasant than that would be having to bind for life. Never getting top surgery sounded like Kurapika’s own version of hell, and to be honest, he didn’t even want to think about it.

At last, he gave, walking back over to his bed and gingerly laying down. “You’re a real bastard.”

Leorio gave him a huge grin and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I’m a real bastard for making sure you’re okay.”

“I don’t need your help,” Kurapika said, trying to sit up to look Leorio in the face before wincing and collapsing backwards.

“I can tell. Before I start, do you want anything? A pillow to set on your chest, your poncho, a blanket?”

Kurapika hesitated again. Leorio knew exactly what he wanted, what he  _ needed,  _ in a way no one had even tried to before. “Um...a pillow would be nice.” Leorio was gone for only a split second before he returned, pillow in tow. “Thank you.”

Leorio sat down on the bed next to Kurapika, and the Kurta’s heart rate increased. “Whenever you’re ready,” the med student said.

Kurapika pulled the pillow over his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to fight the nausea and panic rapidly growing in his chest. This was the last thing he wanted, for Leorio to see him like this, but...Leorio hadn’t turned on him. He hadn’t even questioned him, but instead immediately rushed to his aid. That was the sort of man Leorio was.

“I’m ready.”

Tentatively, Leorio placed his hands on the hem of Kurapika’s shirt. Kurapika jumped a little, and Leorio waited a moment before he continued. Once he reached the bottom of the pillow on the blonde’s chest, he stopped pulling the shirt up and simply tucked it so it wouldn’t fall down. The doctor-in-training took one look at Kurapika’s ribs and sighed.

“You’re bruised up pretty bad,” Leorio said. “Black and blue. This isn’t good, Kurapika.”

“Is there any permanent damage?” Kurapika couldn’t hide the worry that laced his tone.

“Let me see.” Gently, Leorio touched his fingers to a spot on the Kurta’s chest. Kurapika hissed, gripping the pillow a little tighter. Leorio moved down a little and pressed again. The blonde winced a little, but not nearly so hard. “Do you bind this long very often?”

“Define ‘often,’” Kurapika replied, wincing again as Leorio pressed a new spot.

“‘Pika,” Leorio chastised.

Kurapika blushed at the shortened version of his name and squirmed a little. “I suppose so.”

Leorio sighed. “Your track record for taking care of yourself is pretty terrible if you do want top surgery.”

“I know,” Kurapika groaned, half in embarrassment and half in pain from another one of Leorio’s touches. “Leorio...how is it that you know so much about...um…”   
  
“Being trans?” Leorio gave Kurapika a soft smile. “That close friend I was telling you about, he was trans, too. He didn’t have the money to fully transition, so he needed to find unconventional ways to bind. I saw the way he was damaging his chest, and I was worried about him, so I researched being trans and managed to save up enough money to buy him a real binder.” Leorio righted Kurapika’s shirt and stood. “You should be alright in a couple of days.”

Kurapika found himself smiling again. “That was very thoughtful of you.”

“Yeah, well,” Leorio said sheepishly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, “I cared about him a lot. It was always my top priority to make sure he was taking care of himself.” The implications of that on the current moment were suddenly felt by both men in the room, and Leorio made for the door. “I’m gonna go get you an ice pack. Stay right there, don’t try to move.”

Kurapika’s smile remained on his face long after Leorio had left. He wasn’t used to being taken care of, being cared  _ about,  _ but maybe...maybe this was okay. He even found himself starting to get drowsy until anxiety started to coil in his stomach.

_ Why has he been gone for so long?  _ Kurapika thought. Nearly twenty minutes had passed, and there was still no sign of Leorio.  _ It’s fine, he probably just can’t find an ice pack anywhere.  _ But the nagging little voice in the back of his brain said otherwise. Against his better judgment, Kurapika pushed himself up in bed. He cried out in pain, but kept going. If Leorio was going to out him to everyone on the blimp, he refused to submit without even a chance to defend himself. He’d just made it to the door when it opened.

“Sorry that took so long, I had to go all the way to the- KURAPIKA!” Leorio exclaimed.

Kurapika’s vision went white—he’d stood up way too fast—and he felt himself falling. He heard a thump on the ground, a curse, and then felt strong arms catching him. 

“Fucking ice pack landing on my foot,” Leorio grumbled, setting Kurapika gently on the ground.

“Are you alright?” Kurapika asked, blinking. He could see again.

Leorio chuckled and sat down next to him. “Am  _ I  _ alright? You’re the one that almost passed out just now. What were you doing out of bed?”

“I…” Kurapika felt guilt and shame running through his veins. Leorio would never out him. He knew that much now.  _ I will never doubt him again.  _ “Sorry.”

Leorio rolled his eyes. “Here’s the ice pack, by the way. Try to spend equal time with it on each side of your rib cage. And no more binding for the next two days, you hear me? Doctor’s orders.”

“I don’t have anything else,” Kurapika admitted.

Leorio rubbed his eyes. “We’ll come up with something.” There was a moment of silence between the two of them before Leorio spoke again. “Kurapika...I’m sorry I found out like this.”

“It’s okay,” Kurapika replied, turning to look at his friend. “I’m...glad that you know. It’s nice to have someone I don’t have to keep secrets from.”

Leorio gave him another warm smile and settled against the wall. “We really should get some rest.”   
  
“Aren’t you going to lay in your bed?”

“I’ll stay here. Just in case you get any ideas about standing up again.”   
  
“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal.” Leorio closed his eyes and smiled. “Goodnight, Kurapika.”

“Goodnight, Leorio.” Finally, Kurapika allowed himself to close his eyes. “And...thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

For once, Kurapika was asleep in an instant.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!!! More HxH fic to come soon.


End file.
